Urban Legends: Final Cut

i'm glad you could all make it to my

slumber party i hope you're having a

good time it's been a blast so far we

watched a scary movie ate a load of junk

food braided roddy's hair i love it so

uh what should we do next uh we could

sneak upstairs and steal some booze i

did that as soon as i got here we could

go to sleep it's 8 p.m i know let's tell

some spooky stories

i don't want to i'm scared have you

heard the one about the guy hiding under

the bed who licks the girl's hand and

she thinks yes boring how about the one

where if you see a car with no

headlights on and you flash it the

driver hunts you down and kills you

that's so overused i have a way better

one better than the one about the group

of film students who got tricked into

paying thousands of dollars for a

worthless college certificate that

sounds familiar yeah it happened to some

friends of mine terrified no this story

is about a podcast what's a podcast man

it's like a radio show that no one

listens to oh okay

apparently there's this one podcast

about movie sequels called bad with

numbers that's a stupid name for a

podcast yeah it sounds like some kind of

financial planning show or something for

people with dyscalclia right well anyway

apparently if you play this podcast

backwards it sends you directly to a

purgatory where you have to watch shitty

sequels once a week until the end of

time

i

found it wait really yeah it's available

on spotify and apple podcasts and

stitcher and google podcasts and

wherever good podcasts can be found so

should we try it no way what if the

legend's actually true and we end up

doing it yeah [ __ ]

oh yeah you don't yeah apparently i'll

deal with that you should not smoke

easily because you're sacked officer

[ __ ]

hey stop i don't like it no come on

you're scared no i just think the

production value is occasionally

questionable yeah fine

did it work nah it's just a stupid story

[Music]

wait did you hear that it sounded like a

theme song okay stop screwing around now

it wasn't me

there it is again it sounds like it's

it's it's coming from inside the house

why is the tv playing speed 2 cruise

control nobody owns that movie

the legend's true we're doomed

[Music]

[Music]

so do any of you guys have a favorite

urban legend uh mine is that really uh

dumb one about uh the firefighting plane

that accidentally picks up a

diver and then uh when it dumps the

water on the forest fire later on they

find like a dead dude in a tree wearing

like a scuba diving suit

oh that's from the that's they use that

in the start of magnolia did they in uh

the pt anderson movie magnolia they tell

like this little kind of like thing

about coincidences and that's one of the

examples they use i didn't know that was

like a a known urban legend outside of

that movie see i probably got it from uh

does they remember anybody remember

beyond belief that was on the on tv in

the 90s oh okay i said ids i just outed

myself it was hosted by jonathan frakes

oh

there's a [ __ ] stupid show that

played these little uh short segments

about uh urban myths and legends and

stuff and it's like can you guess if

they're true and you have to guess

whether it's true and then oh wait now i

remember as a kid you're like you would

bet like fact

or fiction yeah and then jonathan franks

would make you feel like a [ __ ] idiot

yeah [ __ ] riker

now i'm just imagining how he sits in

seats but

for

mine i i won't lie when i was looking at

urban legends i was confused of what

urban lunch is but i did come across one

that seemed pretty entertaining um it's

the one about the baby train the what

because it seems so positive and

uplifting i think that's why i liked it

wait a baby train

yeah at first i was like reading this

and i was like oh i hope this doesn't

turn dark but but what it's actually

about is that there's a small town that

lives by a train and then during one

time like at like one am in the morning

the train honked and then all the

residents were like awoken but then

they're like oh i don't want to go back

to bed so let's uh let's have sex and

then

and so that was the cause of the baby

boom and i was like look at that that's

a lovely

happy ending story

wow where is this meant to have taken

place i don't know it's an herbalist

okay i guess that means it could happen

anywhere yeah okay i guess bunch of

people being awoken by train it's the

natural not natural it's a man-made

aphrodisiac train sounds nice um laura

you got one um the one that always

sticks out in my mind is the girl with

the ribbon around her neck oh yeah

creepy yeah and then when you remove the

ribbon then her head falls off okay i

don't know any of the i mean you kind of

need the megan's one but i don't i

haven't heard this that one was in one

of the editions of scary stories to tell

in the dark wasn't it i think so that

sounds very yeah that was hot no that

was haunting i remember like being a kid

yeah and then reading that and just be

like red phil off i don't like it don't

ever touch my ribbon yeah it was so

weird but then she doesn't die

so that's still happy ending she just

has to reattach it back they grew old

together yeah and then

he was dying and she's like okay sure

you can you can pull the ribbon off now

and then yeah her head fell off while

they were both old and that's just crazy

oh that's not the version i heard the

version i heard

yeah he does it like just after they get

married while she's sleeping he can't

help himself and then like he pulls the

ribbon and he unties the ribbon and then

her head just rolls off i was advertised

the uh the nice gentleman

version yeah where men respect wow

that's pretty macabre i've never heard

that one yeah that one was crazy my

favorite one is actually kind of more

sort of that's not true life but there's

a place

in new jersey called clifton it's in

passaic county and apparently there's a

an old disused railway tunnel there that

apparently holds the gates to hell

inside

this place is creepy as [ __ ] i was

reading like testimony on this

uh apparently like there are sort of

anti-chambers hidden inside this tunnel

where devil worshipers all like do weird

things like planting dead trees exactly

three feet apart from each other and

then putting dead cats and birds tied to

each tree and stuff apparently there is

like um some kind of hole in the middle

of this railway tunnel and at the bottom

of it is a concealed granite manhole

that apparently leads directly to hell

and like it's like a local thing there

but like the local kids dare each other

to go in there and there are just like

untold amounts of stories about people

like either seeing shadowy figures um

like rocks being thrown out of the

tunnel at people that try and go inside

it and stuff like that it's creepy as

[ __ ] when you read up on it and also it

is only a seven hour 30 minute drive

from here so we should definitely go

check it out

i'm like heart past i learnt my lesson

from watching every single film

just don't go just don't go you guys

have fun and if it's fomo fine

look at roddy enjoying his life what is

this like no it always turns out bad

it's like my personally type personality

type is like oh that's like danger and

there's like a high risk of dying okay

let me not go do that

where's your reckless abandon yeah man

come on where's your sense of adventure

you don't want to go to hell see what

hell's like yeah hell sounds great it's

also the states and like insurance and

it'll be travel insurance back then i

don't know if it covers the gates of

hell i love the fact that you're kind of

balancing the fact that this may be the

entrance to hell with the fact that it

is also in the united states of america

which is problematic in and of itself

sorry us listeners we love you but like

where what travel insurance caught like

who would cover trips to hell that's

what i would want to know good luck

claiming that one back just take for

just take just take photos of the damage

receipts

the border agent that's just like what's

your essential trip right now and we

said oh we're gonna go to hell

also known as new jersey he's like yeah

you're going to new jersey

oh no you're stuck in new jersey i know

i love you new jersey you're the garden

state you're you're beautiful

they just tell us say hi to bill and ted

and like oh okay oh nice exactly there

you go um welcome to bab with numbers a

podcast where we talk about terrible

sequels i am neff joined as always by

the loves of my life the apples of my

eyes laura hi

roddy sorry i was just so touched by all

those compliments but hi

and megan hi and this week on the show

we are talking about urban legends final

cut from the year 2000 directed by john

ottman uh this is the only feature john

ottman ever directed because like walter

merch on our return to oz episode he's

primarily a film editor having worked on

a lot of uh-oh brian singer movies oh

but he is also a very accomplished

composer he wrote scores for movies like

kiss kiss bang bang the cable guy x-men

2 and the nice guys oh that's why

there's such a big plot point about

editing oh yeah he's got a big

background as an editor he's done most

of singer's movies but he's done a lot

of other films as well so we won't hold

that against him were you guys familiar

with urban legends as a franchise yeah

yes no i saw the first one in theaters

when i was in high school blockbuster

days basically you go to a family party

someone decides to rent it and then you

have no choice to watch it and then they

tell you to cover your eyes for all like

the scary stuff or the sex so yeah okay

laura you didn't know this franchise no

like i had no clue that this was ever a

thing um i definitely saw the first one

in theaters i hadn't seen this one

before so this was like a blind bet on

our part we did not know what we were

letting ourselves in for here

um i didn't like the first one when it

came out and we'll get into it in a

minute but it kind of came out around

the same time as movies like i still

know what you did last summer

yeah scream free was around that time it

kind of felt like that whole um

crescendo of like late 90s slasher

movies was p had peaked at that point

and i always felt the first movie was

kind of blair watched it again this week

and i stand corrected it's actually kind

of fun it's it's decent yeah we'll get

into that in a moment should we just do

like a little background just before we

start talking about this piece of cinema

and there's a piece of cinema so the

first urban legend came out in september

1998 like i said it was like riding a

wave of revived interest in slasher

movies in that period uh it was written

by silvio horta who was a recent

graduate of the titch art school at nyu

and he actually wrote the script while

he was working at the perfume counter at

nordstrom yeah well that's a lovely

story yeah sure he shopped it all around

studios and most of the studios passed

on it until a fairly new company called

phoenix pictures who were co-founded by

mike medevoy who's a well-known

hollywood mogul picked it up and and

kind of green that the project uh after

a bunch of rewrites rookie australian

director jamie blanks joins the project

he went on to direct valentine woof um

and not much else of interest after that

and the film goes into production early

1998 they assemble a stacked cast of

young talent most of whom are like

carving out careers in tv at the time

including alicia where jared leto who

was like caught off my so-called life at

this point joshua jackson um who was

like you know

because of dawson's creek yep uh tara

reid

okay she keeps cropping up on this

[ __ ] podcast and uh rebecca gayhart

will get to her in a bit they also have

like a bunch of horror icons in

supporting roles including chucky

himself brad derriff oh and freddy

krueger robert englund is in that movie

playing a professor snooty professor

yeah yeah the movie was shot here in

toronto with u of t standing in for the

fictional pendleton university it

becomes like a moderate hit it opens to

like 10 million it goes on to make like

40 million and then it becomes a huge

hit on dvd it was kind of one of the

first movies to be released on dvd so

like it got up in the process of that

side note to this and this is kind of

obama um

sylvia porter was also the show runner

on ugly betty which you know is a

popular show i'm sad

yeah he sadly died from a self-inflicted

gunshot wound in a miami hotel uh in

january 2020 and he was only 45 years

old so that kind of sucks anyway the

first movie is popular enough that a

sequel gets greenlit with a script by

paul harris boardman who's mostly a

script doctor on things these days and

scott derrickson who's gone on to direct

movies like sinister which is a really

underrated horror movie i kind of love

sinister and the first doctor strange

movie was directed by him as well

wow they shot it again in ontario this

time with trent university and

peterborough doubling for the fictional

school really yep and apparently artman

shot like a whole much longer movie that

gave the characters a lot more room to

breathe but the studio kind of insisted

on them keeping it under 100 minutes to

keep the pace tight so a lot of that

stuff apparently just got left on the

edit and room floor and given by the

amount of characters that are in this

movie it definitely shows yep anyway uh

urban legends final cut comes out in

cinemas on september 22nd 2000. let's do

the box office for it it opens i'm a bet

number one number one yeah i ruined it

yeah opens at number one uh 8.5 million

on its opening weekend which is pretty

low but then this was back in the time

when september was kind of a dead spot

for movies still it's a little different

now it's kind of like a launching

platform for like the awards movies

nowadays but yeah sure tiff kind of

gives everything a bump as well but

eight and a half million is not terrible

for a horror sequel in 2000 number two

that weekend was a reissue of the

exorcist this time in the director's cup

format

any exorcist fans here

i've seen it i don't watch it because it

gives me nightmares ooh but this tv show

has john cho for those of people that

don't know i like joncho yeah we noticed

yeah

no asian representation he's only in the

second season of that chauffeur right

yeah okay

um anyway yeah no i did this is the

director's cut of the exorcist i'm not a

huge fan of that cut

it's got like the famous spiderwalk

sequence was reinstated into it but i

kind of prefer the theatrical one yeah

but on the whole love it one of my

favorite horror movies number three that

weekend was one of my favorite movies

period it's almost famous hmm good movie

are you crying thinking about it

thinking of those emotional scenes being

compared to beer what kind of beer

yeah i know that no that's harsh that

scene almost famous has like my uh

favorite closing line in a movie ever

where um patrick fujit's character asks

billy crudup so what is it that you love

about music and then billy gruden just

kind of leans on his chair and goes to

begin with everything oh such a good

closing line i love that move

literally looking at a huge [ __ ] off

poster for it right now in my lounge so

yeah

number four that weekend bring it on

yes okay

also i wanted to ask you that poster of

almost a minute right next to your

poster of urban legends final cut no

sadly not it's next to a troubling

little china poster sorry

my urban legends final cut poster is

currently hanging in my bathroom right

above my toilet

it's where you contemplate the most so

it makes sense yeah sure

bring it on yes bring it on um who

doesn't love bringing it on right it

didn't age that well to be honest you

don't think no i watched it quite

recently and i thought it kind of still

held up pretty well i don't know it's

like so ingrained in my youth that like

i now i know i'm not scared to watch it

again will it just change everything

because like the hey mickey we're seeing

all the time it's the definitive

cheerleading movie you can talk about

any cheerleading it's like bringing on

the first thing you go i don't think

anything else has topped it uh old

cheerleaders die was that good yeah i

like that movie

and at number five that weekend our boy

keanu in the watcher where he's playing

a serial killer opposite james spader's

um psychologist i think he's a

psychologist i don't know man keanu is a

serial killer it ain't a good fit yeah i

was like i've never heard of that i'm

like it's because i guess people don't

want to see keanu doing that stuff they

want to see him be stealing cameras from

directors or paparazzi that's what he

did there we go and sitting lonely on a

bench that was the box office for uh

urban legends final cut let's get into

this movie mm-hmm just gonna lay all my

cards out on the table here kind of love

this movie why what was it because of

just nostalgia film school no not at all

i just i kind of vibed with this movie

way more than i was anticipating to um

we'll get into it i guess but

why what so no i uh this is very

emotions right no i need explanations i

i need answers because this was a

[ __ ] chore

oh i want to say i'm like i could see oh

stop it it was a chore

i mean it had a lot of good ideas but

the execution left some things to be

desired yeah okay i'm not gonna argue

the the the film's clumsy yeah it's

really clumsy in its execution but i

kind of vibed with where this movie was

coming from i thought this movie was a

lot more fun than i was anticipating it

was going to be i think it has um i mean

like i say we'll get into it i think it

has a lot of kind of touchstones in like

real cinema the a lot of slashers around

this time didn't have and maybe the fact

that ottman was like a debut director on

this meant that he probably wasn't quite

uh skilled enough to pull them off in a

in a sort of correct way but at the same

time so i text you guys earlier and said

oh my notes for this were all garbled

and i'm gonna have to watch it again

this afternoon

yeah my notes were fine i just wanted to

watch it again because i kind of enjoyed

it

i feel hurt liar a deceived but no i

could see like i will say when a movie

started i was like not having it because

even as it started i was like first off

the title opening like why are you

spelling this out all weirdly and

annoyingly yeah with a u an l and then o

like usually it will just be urban

legends and then final cut it's like you

don't need this weird i don't know it's

like someone was having fun with like

that transition and it was like let's

just add a little spice

see what also got me is that this movie

had no right to be knocking like this

fake film that they're making and saying

how awful it is when this film is

garbage you don't get to like [ __ ] on

your fictional directors and say that he

made this really bad film when you're

making a garbage film see i'm gonna give

him the benefit of the doubt and say

that that's the gag that that was

intentional cool meta um

i'm gonna give this movie the benefit of

the doubt and say that this is just one

big

metaprank on slasher movies all right

let's break this [ __ ] down this thing

aside from credits that roddy obviously

[ __ ] hated um

it makes no sense okay dude um this film

opens with like a hoary old fake out

though old movie within a movie gambit

yeah

we get these people on a plane and the

plane is you know in kind of some kind

of turbulent trouble there's a reference

to the uh the amazing twilight zone

episode with shatner where they see like

the gremlin on the wing right um i kind

of love that i love a good movie within

a movie fake out at the start of a film

i guess what the fake out though like

was watching i guess it explains all the

logical gaps because like it opens like

obviously they're going to the mile high

club and i'm like fine like whatever

like there's the pun i'm like okay if it

went in that kind of kept in that

direction of the camp i feel like i

would like love this more and but then

it didn't it is a very dumb premise for

a film because like a slasher on a

slasher on a plane and it's like well

there's really nowhere for you to run

when the plane's in the air i mean i i

kind of like that idea there were so

many knives on the planet yes and it was

it was only like this they were only in

there for like not even a minute yeah

sure so this we should yeah let's

clarify the this couple decide to go off

and join the mile high club by having

sex in an airport an airplane bathroom

might i add the notion to me of having

sex in an airplane toilet is one of the

grimmest [ __ ] things i can think of

those bathrooms are ranked they're tiny

gross they're terrifying which movie was

it i think it was vegas vacation where

they try to have sex in the plane in the

in the airplane bathroom and it's a

[ __ ] disaster like his foot gets

stuck in the toilet

and like you just threw chevy chase into

the sex equation and that makes it even

[ __ ] worse she gets her hair caught

on something it's it's just like this

totally perfectly awkward scene

demonstrating why having sex in an

airplane bathroom is uh is not as

feasible as most people might think but

also might i add that well they're in

that bathroom having sex we get this

amazing cunnilingus joke yeah where it

says in lipstick or blood or whatever on

the mirror it says you're going down and

she reads it out and he's like uh you

know it love it

amazing but

it's like the camp if it kept on doing

that but then it got serious did it get

i don't know look by the time they enter

the cabin

everybody's already passed out because i

don't know it's decompressed or

something oh no i think they're all

straight up dead i think because they're

dead

no he definitely stabbed a bunch of

people but he didn't stab all of the

passengers in the short amount of time

it took them to get out of the bathroom

like oh yes he did yeah i figured he did

if something happens and then the oxygen

masks drop down and then everybody's

just

on like it just she walks into the cabin

and ever it's just complete silence well

before that we find out that the person

responsible for this is the flight

attendant who might i add looked a bit

like john mulaney a little bit or at

least like four he looked a bit like

john mulaney when i was watching it

maybe i was just thinking about john

mulaney i hope he's okay it's such a

weird setup because it's like well

you've already stabbed the pilot

everybody on the plane including the

murderer is gonna die why would you

continue stabbing people after you've

stabbed the pilot like you've pretty

much insured their deaths i guess the

smart thing that the movie did did did

do is that like we're having all these

questions and by the time we want them

answered it just goes

fake out yeah so you never know

it starts trying to radio down or

something which makes sense it's made it

oh my god i love pink that's what i mean

i actually really love this actress

because she made it so funny like when

she's like when she's like going on and

having her like her feet up onto like

the actual console whatever i'm like yes

would i be like that in a panic but i

don't know but all i know is it's funny

yeah she's taking at the same position

in the cockpit that she was in the

bathroom which intrigues me

and look this actress playing sandra i

think she's great because it is hard

to be an actor and play

bad acting as an actor i think she does

a [ __ ] great job of portraying this

no i don't yeah it actually is really

hard to do that i i want to i i don't

you guys aren't star trek fans really

are you do you watch a lot of star trek

there's an episode of tng where riker's

doing a play about a guy in a mental

institution and it never occurred to me

like first of all i i didn't fully

appreciate until that moment that

jonathan franks is legit a good actor

it's just that his character in star

trek is so broad and when he's playing

riker acting in this play he's actually

acting like for real for the stage right

okay for character okay it's like

jonathan franks is playing a really

broad actor a really broad character

who's apparently really good at that

acting in plays and then the and then

the show itself is like he starts

confusing the play for real life and

it's this weird

anyway it's it's a really it's a weird

acting as acting is yeah it's it's

yeah

it is tough um we get this reveal that

this is all a student film apparently

the fact that this film has a full-size

plane set suggests to me that this is

not a [ __ ] student film that is not

how student films work yeah where the

[ __ ] did they get that

oh the the truth is on the wikipedia

where they got it is that they weren't

they weren't going to shoot it with like

an actual they didn't have the plane to

begin with but then they somehow found

last minute that they could use the

plane from pushing tin and they're like

well we need to shoot it wait the john

cusack movie i think so what

so i guess that made you made use of

what they had so you got to give them

props for that because one of the little

factoids said that that scene was

actually despite the fact that from the

outside it looks like they're filming it

on a fake plane the inside parts were

actually filmed on a real plane or

something well that just doesn't make

any sense because when we cut to the

actual set of this movie they're

literally just filming a cockpit so

where the [ __ ] is the rest of this plane

set that they're on exactly like that's

that's why it doesn't make any sense

because it's it's it's it cuts to it and

it's just the cockpit and it's like

where the [ __ ] did they film the rest of

it also this is a very abusive movie set

this director is a real piece of [ __ ]

you would not be able to get away with

talking to people on a movie set like

that in 2021 i'm sorry he said and i

quote get something right or i'll kill

you

yeah that guy's cancelled

enter jennifer morrison as our heroine i

always get her confused with jennifer

goodwin

possibly because they were both on that

once upon a time show uh but i like

jennifer morrison i think she's kind of

great in this movie and the year before

she was also in another legitimately

great horror movie star of echoes which

is a cool little thing i haven't seen

that movie in years she plays uh the

ghost spoilers i guess

yeah she plays the ghost yep huh yeah so

basically this is these guys are all

film students making student films at

what apparently is the greatest film

school that ever existed according to

like the people that run it so it's

obviously not any film school i ever

[ __ ] went to so the entire school is

a film school is the is the takeaway

here okay i don't think so i think they

have they're like they're operating out

of something called the orson welles

film complex which is a little on the

nose yeah

given that we get a great big [ __ ]

touch of evil poster in this movie as

well but um yeah we we cut to them like

being given their kind of prep for their

final semester

and enter hart bochner here is the head

of the film department because

apparently david duchovny didn't want to

be in this movie hart bochner most

famous for playing ellis in die hard um

paulie mclean sorry holly gennaro's

co-worker who's just like a coke that

mess all the way through that movie this

film comes out like 12 years after die

hard and that guy has not aged at all he

looks exactly the same

we also get introduced to anthony

anderson in this movie yeah

just it's a small role i know i guess

this was early in his career yeah he's

just kind of around he doesn't have a

lot to do and he kind of disappears from

the end of the movie as well oh wait no

it's because he dies anyway we'll get to

that

also here is uh joey lawrence from

blossom really not a single not a single

woe uttered in this movie but never mind

i did not recognize him i felt like he

was like trying really hard to step away

and that's why he was playing such a

dick in this movie he is playing a huge

dick in this movie yeah he is a piece of

[ __ ] in this film it's kind of great i

didn't [ __ ] recognize him and this

was in the and this was in 2000 oh my

gosh this was only like five years after

blossom finished uh if you want to know

what joey lawrence is doing nowadays

just google the movie money plane uh

you're welcome enjoy um anyway despite

the fact that this film is called urban

legends i wasn't really familiar with

any of these legends apart from the one

with the kidney that we'll get to but um

yeah i mean the first one had some

classics like the pop rocks and the soda

and the call coming from inside the

house and

sure and the hitchhiker in the back of

the car

like that one was all like classic

stories that college students tell each

other when they're getting pissed sure i

kind of feel like they maybe burned

through all of those in the first movie

and they were kind of clutching at

straws like that blows my mind that they

couldn't come up with better urban myths

for this one i mean i get the k i mean i

get the kidney thing and i hate that

scene i feel like they were having they

were having more fun doing more of the

film school vibe and film aesthetic and

film homages than i than the actual

urban legends because like looking at it

like nes said like the beginning was

twilight and there's a whole bunch of

other influences there in this film and

i feel like that became the focus and

the whole urban legend thing became just

like a passing thing just as much as

like first off the jennifer morrison

just like comes up with her thesis like

oh my god it felt like just a passing

thought there's no thought to this

thesis at all sorry i like the way she

kind of just turns out a screenplay in

like a couple of days yeah yeah

come on doesn't quite work like that but

um i don't know i kind of like the film

school stuff in this

film the office and the one guy's like

going on about mison sen versus cinema

verite and what is cinema verite except

the absence of staging and i'm like oh

my god

i found it all way less obnoxious than

the film school scene in scream 2. oh

when they're all kind of sat around

[ __ ] talking about sequels i just

think

that's that scene to me is just super

obnoxious and it doesn't help that

you've got like jamie kennedy spewing

out a load of [ __ ] impressions in

that as well but that's honestly i feel

like more of the kevin williams style

like very on the nose and self-aware

like this movie is not supposed to be

self-aware so that's why it's just kind

of like this is just people talking

about film school stuff for for the most

part i'm gonna argue that this movie is

self-aware i mean it goes back to like

just like mentioned in that scene art

life imitating art and vice versa and

you know that like the guy basically

presents the the thesis of the entire

movie which is like cinema verite versus

mises on scene you know staging versus

real life also we get loretta devine

here playing um the same character she

played in the first movie yeah rhys the

security guard uh kind of like that

she's like referencing pam grier

here

yeah she's got like uh she's got the gun

from foxy brown she's like referencing

coffee love a bit of pancreas yeah

anyway she's kind of just here to sort

of like fill me in on the first movie

kind of exposition dump right

imagine she didn't run into jennifer

morrison we would not have a movie if

she did not disagree

so she's the only reason this movie

exists well the i mean the killer still

would have killed it's just that the

theme that he picks for his killing

would have been slightly different i

guess uh we cut to a bar uh not cool

this guy roofies a girl's drink in the

bar and i was kind of like praying there

was going to be some sort of spin on

this and there is because he's not

actually going to sexually assault her

uh he just removes one of her kidneys

instead it's

like i hated this scene because the

first time i watched it i was confused i

was like did i miss something i had to

back up and i was like no this is

they're not and and when i was

remembering it later i'm like wait was

that a real like was that supposed to be

real or was like that part of a movie

and it was getting confused in my head

and when i looked it was part of

reshoots basically they invented a

[ __ ] character for re-shoot so this

girl lisa yeah this character played by

justin de barra was is not she's not

referenced before she's never mentioned

again for the rest of the movie yeah so

like we already don't know

uh what's his face very well at this

point uh when it has that scene and then

we meet her and then there's like this

whole protracted scene of of her getting

roofied and then getting abducted and

then waking up at a tub full of ice and

then you know and then she tries to

escape yeah sure but before that um

anybody notice the the uh the drinks are

not being mixed by the bar staff they're

just being picked up off a tray yeah

what kind of [ __ ] bar is that and

also they do this weird thing where you

see somebody slipping something into

these drinks

but then we cut to this guy toby played

by anson mount who is this kind of the

dick film director yeah earlier and he's

very intently watching her drinking the

drink so i'm assuming that that's meant

to be kind of like a sort of red herring

yeah he may be the killer in this movie

except it's all just a little too

obvious and a little too early in the

movie for that to kind of come into play

it feels very kind of weird the way that

they use his character in this scene

well none of their red herring has

really worked in this film in general

like none of them like even when this

movie started when they were in the

professor's room i was like hmm

suspicious then know what everyone else

was too on the nose the pa every time

they zoomed on this p i'm like no stop

it's not the ph

really i thought that they were just

being obnoxious enough about it i was

like maybe because i thought that they

were trying to make uh toby the the red

herring i thought that they were so

focused on making the revenge guy right

and then i thought about how you know

the pa scro was uh you know being

treated poorly and blah blah blah so

then when they did the final scene i was

like oh my god it actually and then they

they [ __ ] me over and that's kind of

what i love about this whole kind of

raft of slasher movies that came out at

this time uh no it's not so much the

killing and the violence it's more the

whodunit kind of mystery aspect that

these movies were pushing yeah i

remember seeing scream in a theater when

it came out and just getting such a kick

out of trying to figure out who the

[ __ ] killer was and scream is just a

masterclass in misdirection for setting

this stuff up like it kills off billy

loomis and you think he's done and then

oh surprise he's not dead he is the

killer uh spoilers for scream i guess

sorry um

but but and also that was kind of what i

loved about these and and this one

doesn't do a very good job of placing

its red herring so i'll i'll you know

i'll hold that against it that it

doesn't really work as a mystery no it

doesn't it doesn't really work as a kind

of as a kind of whodunit in the way that

the best movies in this genre do because

it throws too much it throwing too much

information at the audience like about

these characters relationships because

it's like oh she knows this guy because

of this and she knows this guy because

of this and oh he knows this about her

and

it's it just

yeah so jacinda barrett wakes up in this

in this topple of ice and she ends finds

out that she's had her kidney removed

which is you know is a famous urban

legend she tries to escape from this

killer who we don't see the actual face

off uh try to get out a window and ends

up getting her head lobbed off in this

window which uh yeah kind of loved that

scene where her head just comes straight

off and then there's like a dog in the

alleyway sniffing it

this uh yeah this fight actually made me

twinge a little bit where um she's

trying to get out and then he like like

gets her her kite

oh yeah he like jams his fingers right

into it

and she's grabbing at the barbed wires

and her hands are getting all messed up

like that

and i was just i was looking at the the

kidney and when of course the dog pops

up i was just like you know what [ __ ] it

it's already out sure just give the dog

the kidney who cares it's me and you

against the world buddy yeah

yeah i kind of wonder what the point of

him taking this kidney out of her was

just to toss it out the window to the

dog you know i mean her murder doesn't

really fall in line with the other

murders that much because she's not all

that connected to the other people other

than that one guy and yeah but i mean

it's obvious like he was out to kill her

but it's an awful lot of trouble to go

to to

remove somebody's kidney with surgical

precision and then sew them back up

leave them in a tub of ice and then wait

for them to wake up so that you can

murder them and then feed their kidney

to a dog i don't know it just feels a

bit much

well i was reading up that the whole

reason for this reshoot like and that's

probably why i feel so tacked on is

because like there wasn't any stakes

kind of built like there's no sense of

urgency or like there was no one was

dying for the last time so you never

felt like the rush of like they need to

find who this killer is so that's why

they added the scene but then to your

point it just makes you even more

confused because then you started

thinking like okay so is this curl of

this killer like a past veterinarian or

like a past has past surgical skills and

that's why they're able to and like they

know a lot about urban legends obviously

so they have to know that

it's just i just got confused this kind

of hits on my biggest problem with this

movie and like yeah look this movie has

problems did i enjoy it sure but the

killer kind of sucks in this film right

like

these these franchises any

slasher franchise worth its salt has an

iconic killer at its center so when you

think of jason voorhees you think of the

hockey mask even though he doesn't get

the hockey mask until the third movie

you still think of the hockey mask when

you think of halloween you think of

michael myers with that um william

shatner face mask that he's got

even ghost-facing scream even the

[ __ ] fisherman character from i know

you did last summer is an iconic slasher

character and the character design in

this [ __ ] sucks it's like oh it's

somebody in like a trench coat with a in

this one they've got a [ __ ] fencing

mask on for no reason the fencing mast

is interesting but the killer isn't even

wearing it in the in the kidney scene

obviously because it's like his house or

something uh so it just kind of ruins

the the the consistency of the aesthetic

at that point um and just i don't know

that that whole scene bugs me for some

reason i just feel like it was poorly

executed in the way that not that the

death scene was poorly executed because

the death scene her head gets chopped

off by a window i mean it's pretty

standard fair it's not good sure um you

know gross but uh i just feel like they

could have done a different scene there

if they wanted to up the tension a

little bit just i don't know because it

just it felt lacking and it just

confused things at some point like the

the killer is wearing a mask over his

mask and it's just like i don't know

it's jumping all over the place like he

just looks like mac tonight it's not

even

anything else so clearly it it felt like

they didn't work backwards almost where

they got to the end of it and they're

just like yeah who is the killer yeah

maybe the first one it's he's just

wearing the killer's just wearing a

burka and the whole thing about that is

that like there it's like winter time

and everybody's wearing parkas like it's

the most generic thing yeah you know

it's still creepy looking but they keep

spotting people in parkas and they're

like what i'm wearing a parka because

it's cold outside and like nobody nobody

mentions fencing nobody thinks about it

the fencing the fencing mask isn't

really thematically related to anything

in the movie it looks cool i love it

sure but it's it doesn't really belong

in this movie if somebody wants to make

you know a serial killer movie a serial

killer that murders people wearing a

fencing mask and it's i don't know

called swordplay or something

what i find interesting all these things

are mentioning like the serial anger the

urban legends angle like i feel like all

of those are like kind of got lost but

the only thing that i kind of enjoyed

about this movie is just like oh that's

it's in a film school so i realized i

ended up watching this movie for just a

totally different context for what it

was actually trying to sell i was

watching it for the film school antics

and not like the actual urban legends

when i first watched it i assumed that

it was another script that had been uh

been modified to fit a franchise but it

actually i guess wasn't and this is a

an example of like because i feel like

the urban legends parts of it kind of

hold it back a little bit i feel like

this movie would have been better if

they just hadn't made it an urban legend

sequel cut out all the [ __ ] about urban

legends and then just go with the whole

film school angle and like you know

reality versus film and and uh kept with

that because it works fine within the

confines of its own you know logic that

way but like you know this is this is an

example of how you have to kill your

darling sure darlings in this movie were

the urban legends now i just want to

film school horror movie now

i'm sure there is one i'm sure we can

find one um yeah so basically uh i don't

like the way jennifer morrison is like

besotted with this travis guy she's kind

of like peeking in on him as he's like

editing his student film i just want her

to be focused on making a good movie

just be like singularly focused on that

please you know we don't want she's

clearly just sidetracked because she's a

procrastinator for someone that led her

thesis and like you said so late in the

game just come up her thesis now so

she's just procrastinating we get this

comment that digital sucks and latex

rules from anthony anderson and his

little buddy dirk uh his little friend

dirk by the way is played by uh michael

because who has since gone on to write

not only those jump street movies not

nice but he also wrote the script for

scott pilgrim versus the world bwn

favorite so yeah

do you think he actually doesn't like

george lucas

um i don't know man i kind of feel like

this comes out a year after space does

that whole dire tribe about um how much

the phantom menace sucks and how much

george lucas sucks but no maybe he

doesn't like george lucas i don't know

they're kind of on the money right see

that's what i wanted more of those like

those commentaries of like what it's

like to be in a film school because i

had a blast except that one time when

the guy was like there was that scene

that was put in the heaviness of like i

got a c minus i was like well that's

still a pass

everybody has to start somewhere [ __ ]

like yeah like getting the [ __ ]

arrogance

this travis character we uh we cut to

him open on his porch because he got a c

minus on his uh his porch by the way is

up on huron and lofa this movie was shot

in toronto and when i saw his porch i

was like oh i [ __ ] know exactly where

that is that's not by casa loma yeah but

yeah he's moping on his porch because he

got like a [ __ ] c minus and like what

he says like who cares man that's a pass

that's there's that's a passion tomorrow

and try again

so i wanted like more of those i won't

let the the [ __ ] george lucas guy to

just come up and be like shut up who

cares [ __ ] your name

um also just side note there are so many

shots of people rowing in this movie

i was kind of felt like i was watching

the social network at one point i was

like what is with all of these [ __ ]

rowing shots it's peterborough there are

a lot of gonna be careful how i phrase

this i wanted to say

uh water sports enthusiast but that

might sound wrong

holy [ __ ]

that what goes on in these small ontario

towns peterborough they do they do a lot

of stuff in the river a lot of piss play

in that river nice

yeah um i i don't like anthony

anderson's girl suck t-shirt that he's

wearing on this film shoot by the way

not cool with that kind of reminded me i

don't know if you guys had them out here

but they were big in the uk in the late

90s these uh porn star t-shirts that

everybody was wearing it was like this

fashion brand with porn star emblazoned

all the way across it and they sucked

yeah 90s or 2000s were just bad in

general in regards to that yeah um so

they're shooting jennifer morrison's

student film there's

there's a disemboweled dog in this scene

that looks uh stupid as [ __ ] it's got

like a string of sausages just hanging

out of its tummy i was just kind of

laughing how

dumb this [ __ ] looks i don't know a

pardon me it was like you know after

brahms the boy or whatever too i was

happy there was a fake dog i was like

that's how it should be yeah sure big

dogs that's all i need

yeah we we need a [ __ ] moratorium on

killing dogs in horror movies i watched

uh don't brief two last night and um

sadly one of the dogs buys it in that

movie as well which kind of sucks but

anyway um yeah so they're shooting this

movie and uh there is a [ __ ] great

reference to the 1960 michael powell

movie peeping tom here uh in the way

that this main actress gets murdered

sandra before that though when they're

shooting this movie i just want to say

this again like they just touch onto

what it actually like three interviews

could be great because they would do a

whole prank just for like a like a jump

scare for the audience or like they

smash a very expensive light yeah just

to get the giggles like that

if you were a true

person on the set you would be saving

because that's a very expensive like

that will come off of your tuition or

your student fees and you're just like

laughing it off i'm like none of you are

real

you don't know what it's like because i

remember the days of having to like take

out equipment and physically just like

checking everything because if there's a

scratch and you miss that scratch

they'll be like that's on you pay for

that

i remember our [ __ ] college got

sniffy about us borrowing a [ __ ]

tripod

not even like a camera or any audio

equipment they got fun roddy do you not

remember this it was the biggest thing

ever and it like it was a that's a thing

it wasn't really a film school so i

guess that was the case but it touched

itself of being able to access the gamut

because honestly the most important

thing about film school besides like i

don't know it's really for me it's like

sometimes the equipment the access to

the equipment they're very expensive

like getting that you would never get

like that anywhere else or like the

budget so like this movie the fact that

they have like a graveyard scene a

full-on built house everything i'm like

would i go to this school

well it is meant to be the greatest film

school in the world apparently i mean

look i went to film school we didn't

have any of that [ __ ] yeah we had to

make do like [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] vhs

camcorders and stuff so fun fact trent

university has two reading weeks which

is unusual for a canadian university

because usually it's only the colleges

that have two reading weeks uh most

universities only have one reading week

and apparently it's because trent

university for some reason for a while

had such a high suicide rate oh my that

they added another reading week wow

that's what i heard

that got dark um yeah anyway as i was in

this like this is a reference to peep

and tom this uh scene where sandra gets

murdered uh even right down to like the

red lighting and everything and the fact

that it's like vaguely out of focus she

kind of gets um iced by this unseen

killer who's like filming it all on a

camera

um and then they watch it back in the

screening room uh and they're all they

all think it's like legit footage and

whatever apart from jennifer morrison

the project's director and she's

freaking out and that kind of reminded

me of um eight millimeter where nicholas

cage is watching the snuff movie and

he's like losing his [ __ ] although that

reference is probably less intentional

that no but i mean yeah it is a

reference to snuff films i guess because

there was there's been shows and movies

that have done that before where people

accidentally film real deaths um people

thought that that's what happened to to

was his face on the instead of the crow

one of the crow movies uh brandon lee

yeah brandon lee people thought that

they left it in the movie and it's like

no they didn't [ __ ] leave it in the

movie no it's not in the movie at all of

course it's not i actually wanted sandra

to be like the main lead of this because

i feel like every scene she was in i was

like yeah this i'm stoked because even

her switch from like big screaming like

it was in the hole when they're watching

it where she's like doing this horrible

acting out she's dying and when it cuts

to her actually being scared i was like

this is like

good acting

to switch from that and like she was has

the kind of this ability to draw you in

and

if

i don't know she was much more

entertaining to me than like jennifer

morrison who maybe wasn't giving enough

much because like all the time i just

never understood what she was doing like

she's she's full on putting these pieces

together that like something really

intense happening but then she logically

well no one logically does anything in

this movie even in the first scene when

like the whole kidney thing and she

dials 9-1-1 which is very like legit and

the operator is like hahaha stop

pranking i'm like no you'd be a fired

operator if you did the worst 9-1-1

operator i've ever heard in my life

that's a good one click

but like outside that's i guess that's

established kind of what everyone's

logic in this world is it's a world

where like nothing is logical see my

thing was is like why was sandra's keys

in with the guts and stuff like that

where i get it right like i'm sure if

she was in the the shower at some point

she was like oh no my keys are showing

but why weren't they with her purse why

weren't they anywhere else and why did

she have to dig so far into the in the

intestines to get them yeah like i don't

know i will say when you've lost

something and you truly don't know where

it is you kind of search in places that

you know it's not there but like because

you ran out of options you will search

there so maybe it's that case maybe oh

yeah dude i've like literally almost

disassembled my dryer in its entirety

looking for things that i've felt i've

lost before so yeah but she was just

dealing with that kind it was that kind

of day for her i guess but it was there

like i would have guessed if she's just

like i don't know somebody stole her

keys

true that's a better idea so this travis

guy apparently is so bummed out about

his c minus that he kills himself which

you know seems like a little extreme

we get a little shout out here when

heart bochner's announcing it to the

students he makes a little shout out to

truffaut's night and day which is just

like excessively wanky i appreciate it

because i love that movie but i was just

like come on you're starting to be a

little wanky with your references now i

like how stupid the fake out of joey

lawrence being the killer is like they

portray him as being such an [ __ ]

that you're like oh he's got to be the

killer right but no it turns out he's

just a [ __ ] [ __ ] is this the guy

that's like you stole my genre no no no

that's uh that's the anson mount

character totally okay you know what it

is why i got so confused with them it's

because they all wear them white guys no

it's just also they style them as like a

black leather jacket yeah it's like

every one of them that was kind of

douchey wears black leather jacket and

that's what they all got confusing to me

oh you're talking you're talking about

the guy that that

was hitting on it costs her at the

funeral yeah and it's like i know who

you are

yeah sure and we find out that she's

actually the daughter of a fairly

renowned uh documentary filmmaker and

whatnot which comes into play much later

in the movie when this movie finally

reveals its twist but yeah we'll get

there in a minute um this movie then

does one of the most amazingly dumb

[ __ ] things a movie can do in the it

introduces the twin brother plot gambit

oh where we find out that travis has a

twit a twin brother called trevor i

hated it um yeah i add travis and trevor

for twins that is that's not good no who

does that also i like that's very much a

soap opera flex oh yeah totally and i

was like does trevor actually exist or

is it gonna turn out that this is just

travis i was also wondering i thought

they were gonna do that too i was kind

of hoping that's where they were going

with it look this movie wears its

[ __ ] hitchcock references on its

sleeve right yeah there's a lot of love

for hitchcock in this film and i think

that's maybe why i kind of appreciated

it but uh the whole like having a having

a twin show up literally moments after

the funeral of your character is a very

hitchcock kind of thing to do but again

this movie doesn't really manage to pull

it off because it's kind of clumsy in

the way it does it if i faked my own

[ __ ] death and then showed up at

betty's the next day and was like hi

i'm neff's twin

um

nafe you guys would all just be like

yeah that's that's a realistic reaction

but like the like morrison here is just

like i never he never told me had a

brother and that's it that's the end of

the questioning right

is it vertigo where she pretends to be

somebody and then he sees her die and

then he finds the actress again yes

that's yeah that's very good and he's

like but you're hurt she's like no i'm

not no i'm not no and later on it's like

yeah yeah yeah okay it was me

um we get this uh this french dop that

is working on the film called simon

weird they do this thing where they're

like they're testing out this urban

legend where apparently a lot of people

all scream at the same time midnight and

when they're doing it somebody gets

murdered so um they test it out and this

simon character he gets clocked with a

karate chop yeah outside this building

and the soundtrack literally goes

as he does it at that point i was

laughing so [ __ ] hard that i couldn't

be angry at this movie any longer

because it's so [ __ ] silly yeah cause

like it it kind of implied that that

sort of urban legend that what they say

what she's who did she say was perfectly

she said it was a woman wasn't it that

was horrifically

like i would have expected it to be a

female victim shrieking her head off

alongside their screaming but instead

it's this guy who at first is just you

know taken by surprise and then starts

yelling after a certain point and he

just lays there i'm sorry yeah yes that

was like i get it like he's in shock and

you know it takes but it's the longest

between him going help and the final

blow it's i don't know if it's just me i

think your patience like i think ned has

the opposite effect where he just kind

of laughs but like i think my

it's your

test this movie test

your patience with logic because like i

was just furious for the scene

afterwards where she sees the camera and

like so what happens is simon gets

killed and then like for some reason

jennifer morrison is like oh i heard it

and she goes after it goes to security

guard who's the worst secure guard ever

because she's actually not doing her job

oh she's awful and she's literally just

watching dancing videos she has no [ __ ]

to give anymore yeah

she is bad at her job

but like then also security footage and

what what was the whole deal of let me

take the footage and watch it somewhere

else instead just watching it with the

security guard and seeing the murder

right there so that way you have both of

you aware that someone died like it made

no sense and i think at this point

that's when you go like oh i should

enjoy how illogical this movie is and

just be with it or you just get mad at

everything that's dumb after that i

guess that's i went down that path

because i was just like are you [ __ ]

he was yelling for help it's not like

the entire campus was screaming a bunch

of people in one building were screaming

for sure in the building so they

couldn't hear him but other people would

a closed room didn't have the doors open

other people would have heard him

probably like and also

like this is a huge campus right are you

telling me they've got one security

guard for this entire campus you kidding

me it's that way yep it's like welcome

to our film school the best film school

in the world just can't afford uh

security because they keep paying to

replace the [ __ ] lighting rigs

because they keep dropping them as

pranks right

yeah oh but i guess yeah like laura i

don't know i i was i guess i was on the

path where i just started making fun of

it but then it would just keep on doing

logical things that were just testing me

yeah and then we get this uh this scene

where she goes into a sound booth that's

kind of just ripped off from scream to

sutter about where like the killers yeah

it's like very blatantly stolen from

that movie um the thing with the piano

where she's under the piano and then he

starts just playing incredibly

unsettling cool

that i wanted just like just this movie

just to break itself and just like also

he just goes into musical rendition like

just like i wanted so bad for that to

happen yeah but then it didn't

all i could think of was like the ring

rates from oh yeah freaking lord of the

rings where she tosses her bag and he's

just like oh what's that and then goes

after it like

if he's playing the piano my like

thought process processes that he

[ __ ] knows so then all of a sudden

what's that yeah

oh no it's dumb one of my other notes

was this murderer is really good at

cleaning up crime scenes because like

yes when they watch the footage of

what's-her-face getting killed she like

stumbled into one of the uh into the

classrooms or production rooms or

whatever when they go in there there's

no body there's no blood i guess i don't

know they don't find any evidence it's a

little too dexterity for my liking um

yeah so they basically um they have this

chase where jennifer morrison is being

chased by his killer it goes on for far

too [ __ ] long

she ends up running through like a sewer

tunnel and and uh how did she get there

a bit oh gosh it's supposed to be the

logic she first off she just stumbled so

much at this movie when she's being

chased yeah she stumbles falls into this

lake and then all of a sudden she finds

herself underneath this great but then

also underneath like the sewers

pipelines and factories like the

underground of the school how do you go

from the lake to like the underground of

the school and i'm just like all right

movie

yeah yeah it's like a storm sewer that

empties into that empties into the river

yeah it seems a little contrived that

it's all linked together like that but

sure i would bite and like say like

movie like before sunset before sunrise

like you i feel like if i live there

like clearly where their path that

they're walking probably doesn't connect

as well but then this movie i was like

i'm just analyzing to death before it

says that didn't pay attention to it

that's gonna be like no yeah this movie

makes no sense stop it movie yeah

um they rig up this mine ride at some

theme park with a bunch of bodies uh for

a film shoot they're doing um and like

why are you still making a movie when

multiple people you know have died like

shift your focus i guess this was filmed

at ontario place or something like that

apparently it was right and so did

ontario place this is before my time

living in this city did it used to have

like theme park rides and [ __ ] yeah it

had rides yeah it it kind of had a

rotating

stuff uh it did have some theme park

type rides but it also had uh just

different a couple of different

pavilions that switched in and out over

the years and and stuff that was for

good little kids okay because they've

got all these animatronics in this um

ride and these things all look like

they're out of like louis two swords in

niagara remember we went to that place

yeah and we had a good we had a good

chuckle at how terrible those [ __ ] um

those wax works were in that place i

still have photos of that

i should put them on our [ __ ] twitter

some of the photos we took in that place

holy [ __ ] absolutely i still have some

of those also i'm just gonna go another

film rant where okay her friends work

really hard to be like oh we got a

location and then she shows up to the

location and this is gonna be the the

tunnel i'm like first off they got this

prime location and then you're gonna get

really pissed that like like this is a

good location yeah and you also have

only two people doing all your art so

like stop it

yeah i mean obtaining permits to shoot

here in itself would be a [ __ ]

nightmare so i think she needs to be a

little more gracious to her cue her crew

sorry also at this point it's like yeah

too to be fair i this is why i don't

like the main actress or we're not match

i like her the main character because

she just has this conversation with

travis where they're like oh this person

is like yeah or sorry whatever whatever

it's like

it doesn't they don't even bother like

they're if they were in actual film

school they would know like the rule

like don't name all your characters with

the same letter so like it gets

confusing as you saw

but like they hold this whole thing oh

this person's attacking members of this

past crew because he's trying to figure

out this whole like who's killing who

and so what they decide to do is like

let's go take all our friends like all

our crew to this location as a way to

lure the killer like you're literally

endangering your crew to solve this

mystery that somehow you think you could

solve because you have like what skills

what skills do you have and like trevor

or travis is like oh don't worry about

it i'll protect you with what skills

he's not protector he's literally

lurking in a bush he's doing nothing to

protect her he dipped he did totally did

amazing he didn't dip but then she still

was like oh well don't leave me yeah

don't leave me ever again and then he

leaves her and then she's like okay

don't do that again and then he leaves

her

this relationship sucks it's kind of

toxic um anthony anderson gets beaned on

the head with a pickaxe and then he gets

electrocuted and michael because

character also gets like his digits

smashed with the same pickaxe oh i

didn't like that one no that's kind of

brutal that was rough then he gets

shoved into a fuse box which apparently

kills you but also absolutely does not

kill you um yeah that's not how fuse

boxes when the cops investigating this

turn up and they're just kind of like

these kids are stupid right in front of

all their friends after their friends

have just been murdered i'm like this is

the worst crime scene ever i guess

they're working with the same

operator

this is a prank

so this univ this this town where this

university is has the worst police force

known to man it's terrible quite amazing

um and then this movie

because the whole old plot of having a

fake movie to begin with and then

introducing a twin brother wasn't quite

enough this movie decides to throw in

and it was a dream sequence too and like

oh my god

so bad it's great uh jennifer morrison

and this trevor character having sex and

then he pulls out a knife and stabs her

in the back yeah and we're meant to be

like oh my god he is the killer after

all and then it turns out it's all a

dream i was more focused in this

sequence and the fact that this travis

sorry trevor guy right yeah he has um

really hairy forearms and like literally

no body hair anywhere else

is this guy wearing like tattoo sleeve

equivalent of body hair i couldn't

understand what was going on with this

guy's arms i love that in this like this

like scene of lovemaking it's like

what's up with his arms and his chest

yeah see it also felt like super forced

as well like it was just she fell asleep

and then oh guess what they [ __ ] and

it's a dream

i don't know

they totally could have cut that out

where she just like startles awake and

he's gone wait he left her really crazy

again this is this movie trying to do

this whole like red herring and trying

to remember like oh yeah it's there's a

mystery that we have to solve cause

there's one scene that i was like yo

this is actually really a good scene

like it has like it does this thing

where she's like jogging and then it has

the the face the fencing mask and then

it transitions through all of the

characters that we saw yeah like eva

mendes like and like oh god anthony and

and i can't remember their names but

like whatever it goes through all of

them and i'm like that's a legitimate

good scene but you have not set up any

of their motivations

yeah at all for me to go like oh it

could be though except for the pa with

all your lingering shots yeah they have

this pa character who apparently has

tried to get into the film school and

like has failed repeatedly and they try

and position him as maybe being the

killer uh they also do a fake out here

where eva mendes is like a suspect for

like a split second

and then the mo the movie kind of

fumbles it and then just it kicks off

like another chase sequence and ava

mendez gets murdered and it's kind of

like of no real consequence to anything

i love how they like they figure out

that this has something to do with

travis like the guy who apparently

killed himself uh they have they figure

out what's to do with his thesis films

so they watch it and then the moment it

finishes they just proceed to dunk all

over it like saying how much it [ __ ]

sucks and sure they do a reveal that

like the the titles have been switched

so that what they were watching wasn't

actually his thesis film but it just

seems like such a weird plot contortion

to make that like the crux of your movie

well that's what i was asking oh that

makes sense for the director being

editor that the whole the crux of the

movie comes down to a splice yeah it all

hinges on this one splice in the credits

of this film so we get the reveal that

hart bochner is actually the killer um

it's kind of out of left field it's

hilarious

yeah it's ripped right out of the scream

free rulebook of randomly deciding who

your killer is from like the scant

number of characters you've got left in

your script after all the scooby-doo

slew thing that she did and oh there's a

place here and blah blah blah nope

that's not not the thing but the thing

is though it's like they even made like

the like this could have been solved if

they just explained what the hitchcock

award was because isn't the hitchcock

award kind of focused on directors and

like giving the director their shot so

therefore if that's the motivation it

wouldn't be a pa it wouldn't be like a

boom operator it wouldn't be like the

art deck it would be a director yeah

like someone in the higher up of like

like the one that's doing more of the

show running or like the cut not sure

running but kind of the control of the

ship of this film it would be something

that likes that be the killer so then it

makes sense if it's like someone like

this professor guy or like the directors

so she just thought of that first she

could have clearly avoided all her

friend's death and career yeah pretty

much and like the motivation for this is

is that hart bochner was a student at

this film school

and he uh he put his film in for this

hitchcock award and basically the vote

was split between him and somebody else

so they got in jennifer morrison's dad

who was this documentary filmmaker to

cast the deciding vote and it went

against hart bochner and he's been stuck

as a teacher in this place ever since

well like the winner went on to become a

hollywood director it's just such a dumb

[ __ ] reasoning for this guy to be a

killer yeah i kind of love it um no

one shot was this award like your one

shot like okay

it's only they only get like a fifteen

thousand dollar stipend for doing it as

well it's not even that big

i mean it's a big amount of money but

really in terms of like hollywood

paydays it's not that big it's not a

life-changing figure right

i know and like losing by just one

person i feel like okay that means still

half of the people on it liked it and

that's still people that could probably

get you a reference for sure and still

like push your work but instead it's

like

this is this is why my whole life is

crap so now i'm going to murder in

specifically urban legend ways sure so

they have this big scuffle in this

graveyard set and it's there's a really

cool kind of set piece here that i like

where all of these prop guns get spilled

on the floor yes and there's only like

two real guns in the mix and they're

like scrambling to find the real guns

i've never seen that in a film before i

thought that was pretty cool no that was

fun like

okay it's so like

in my notes i was like wow this like

climax and like all this is really fun i

just wish the other stuff that led to it

was like at this par yeah because like

the gun scene was great yeah like like

again like you've never seen before

tension and like it just i just wanted

more of that yeah i mean it's it

stretches credibility because this toby

kid gets blasted through the wall by

he gets like shot in the chest and he

literally enough for him to go flying

through a wall and then like literally

five minutes later he's fine he's

upright he's walking around it's like

what the [ __ ] somebody gets tossed

through a wall onto like a space set

where it's like a spaceship oh yeah it

covers directly from darkly lit set to

this brightly lit white space they have

all these um janky looking alien props

there as well that just look [ __ ]

awful but like the only reason he

survives is just to be a distraction of

why they lose their attention and change

the dynamic of the fight and i was like

is that because all the other people i'm

like why did they kept him like he

clearly just could have died at this

point like oh okay it's just for a plot

to like change up the fight dynamics

sure and then we get this payoff line

from jennifer morrison where she finally

grabs the real gun and she says to hart

bochner those who can't do teeth yeah i

was like ouch that [ __ ] hurts that's

a sick burn on every teacher everywhere

she has like these great one liners that

i wanted more of because like in the

beginning i was like oh she's like the

forebringer or like she foreshadows

people's death because like to sandra

she's like you can scream right i was

like well obviously this is the button

and this is basically signaling that

she's gonna die and then before when

travis was gonna get c-minus and he's

crying she goes travis it's gonna be

okay i was like all right you're

signaling all everyone's death and then

yeah it kind of just stops like none of

the camp none of that foreshadow just

kind of it all disappears until it comes

back in this one scene with the whole

like those who can't teach i mean those

who can't do teach what very well those

who can't do teach oof yeah so basically

she shoots heart bochner um and

everything kind of resolves itself

except at the end we get this amazing

scene where

travis's brother trevor is receiving

this hitchcock award on his behalf and

this creepy pa kid is up in the rafters

yeah and he pulls out like a [ __ ]

sniper rifle and he's about to like

headshot this trevor kid yeah and

amazingly it's another [ __ ] fake out

yeah that this is part of jennifer

morrison's movie that she's making uh

except i 100 believe that this was the

ending of the film

because at this point i was like this

film is so daft that it would probably

just end like this anyway right

and then basically the movie [ __ ]

ends with jennifer morrison now being a

fairly successful director uh joey

lawrence is now her agent i'm not sure

i'd want that [ __ ] [ __ ] as my age

but okay

no um and that's kind of it except for

we get this [ __ ] scene over the end

credits it does not make sense to me

which made zero sense to laura because

she hasn't seen the first movie but yeah

we cut to hart bochner in what we assume

is some kind of insane asylum yeah um

and he's being tended to by a nurse

played by rebecca gahar who was the

killer in the first movie okay that's

what i thought yeah and then uh it

basically ends with her wheeling him

through this hospital to the theme music

from alfred hitchcock presents which i

thought was a lovely little touch yeah

uh rebecca gehart leans into him and

says i think we have a lot in common and

i'm thinking why did harp bochner

[ __ ] kill a nine-year-old kid as well

yeah

yeah um anyway

just to end on a bummer but yeah um

would you guys recommend this movie no

i'm drawing a blank so probably not no

yeah i'm drawing a blank it's a waste of

time no not really

you can watch so many other ones you can

watch scream yeah you can watch i know

what you did last summer you can watch

valentine's day

don't watch valentine it sucks um all

right okay look i'll be the [ __ ]

contrarian here then

yeah i would recommend this movie um i

had fun with this i thought this film

was so [ __ ] silly and so kind of like

over the top that i really kind of had a

blast watching it um i can't fault its

aspirations it's like cine literate like

it has nods to hitchcock it heads and

has nods to michael powell

just kind of stuff that i get off on i

think with like a slightly smarter

script yeah and maybe just like a maybe

more confident directorial style it

would have actually been a legit great

movie as it stands it's kind of clumsy

it's real stupid but you know what i had

fun with it i enjoyed it and i i'm sorry

that you guys did not i feel bad you

know what you made your own fun you

that's that's fine

it's it's not the worst thing that i've

watched for this podcast yes it's fine

okay it's fine

um that was our episode on urban legends

final cut directed by john ottman from

the year 2000

next week on the show

[Music]

i mean it would be pretty funny if we

just left that in there and didn't say

what we were doing right we just left

that clip playing uh no next week on the

show we are going international baby we

are doing battle royale to requiem brace

yourselves for some exploding teenage

heads is all i'll say on that one sick

is that like a band name or album

because that's an interesting one

exploding teenage heads yeah love it

yeah man that's the name of my death

metal band cool

until then we have been bad with numbers

from toronto canada you can find us on

twitter you can find us on instagram you

can email the show at bwm pod we've even

got a goddamn youtube channel so why

don't you go like and subscribe some of

the videos on there

thank you very much for listening stay

safe out there goodbye

[Music]

[Music]

and this is a humble opinion of this

narrator that this is not just something

that happened

this cannot be

one of those things

this please cannot be that

and for what i would like to say

i can't this was not just a matter of

chance

these strange things happen all the time

happen all the time happen all the time

happen all the time happen all the time

all